Aksar dekha gaya hai log honi ko apni kismat maan kar apne soch ki disha badal dete hain, lekin wo aisi nahi thi, usne apni kismat se haar na maaney ki thaan li thi. Main jab bhi usey dekhta mujhe ek hausla milta jeene ka, uska intezaar karne ka. Aap soch rahe honge main kiski baat kar raha hoon. Tau chalein aap us pyaari si ladki ki kahaani mujhse hi sun lein.

Mujhse 4 saal choti, mere dad ke behad kareebi dost ki beti aur jissey milne ke 10 saal baad mujhe pata chala ki wo mere bachpan ki mohabbat hai aur jisey aaj main 30 saal ka hone ke bawzood bhi ek pal ke liye bhool nahi paaya, aap shayad yakeen na karein, lekin meri zindagi ka yeh bahut bara sach hai…main uske alawa kisi ko kabhi soch hi nahi paya.

Maine pehli baar usey jab dekha tau wo 6 saal ki thi, wo apne gharwalon ke saath dusre saher mein rehti thi. Garmiyon ki Chuttiyon ke dauran wo aur uske ghar wale hamesha  apne home city Lucknow aaya karte they. Lekin, ab issey itefaq hi kah sakte hain ki issey pehle maine usey kabhi nahi dekha tha.

Usi dauran mere bhi school ki chuttiyan huin thi aur main apne boarding school se wapas aaya hua tha, unke ghar ek choti si party mein maine pehli baar usey dekha. Sabse bilkul alag chup chaap baithi hui thi, na kisi se baat karti thi na kisi ke saath khelti thi, uske haath mein bahut pyaari si guriya thi, jissey na jaane wo kya baatein kar rahi thi aur jis baat ne mujhe sabse zayada uski taraf akarshit kiya wo uski aankhein thi, behad udaas aur sahmi hui….

Maine kai dafa ussey baat karne ki koshish ki, lekin wo kuch nahi kehti thi, ghussey mein ek din maine uski guriya li aur tod di, wo rone lagi, usey chup karana musqil ho gaya tha, uske bhaiyon ko mujh par bahut ghussa aaya aur mujhe aaj bhi yaad hai unhone meri jum kar pitaai ki thi , khair ab kya kya hua bataonga tau na jaane kitne ghante lag jaayein. Baat yun khatam hui ki phir mujhe usko bilkul waisi guriya laa kar deni pari aur bahut saare chocolates, tab jaa kar wo maani thi, lekin phir bhi mujhse koi baat nahi ki usney.

Mere dad business ke silsile Jaipur shift ho gaye…lekin main uski udaas aakhon ko kabhi na bhool paaya. Theek poore 10 saal baad hum wapas Lucknow aaye, tab maine usey dubara dekha tha, dekha tau dekhta rah gaya, uski khoobsoorti ka main wahin kaayal ho gaya…..lekin aaj bhi uski khoobsoorat aankhein utni hi udas aur khamosh theen; jiske jadoo se aaj tak, main bahar nahi aa paaya hoon. Maine phir koshish ki ussey baat karne ki lekin sach kahoon tau usney mujhe par ek nazar bhi nahi daali…

Meri personality aisi nahi ki ignore ki jaa sake, lekin pata nahi kyun wo mujhe bilkul ignore kar deti thi. Uski chutiyan khatam hui tau wapas wo apne gharwalon ke saath chali gayi, aur main US chala gaya apni aagey ki studies ke liye. Wahan jaa kar bhi main kisi aur ko soch na paaya, jis ladki se maine kabhi koi baat nahi ki, ussey main itna kaise soch sakta hoon, har pal yehi sochta rehta…

Teesri baar jab usey dekha tau wo uski 20th birthday thi, maine socha acha mauka hai usey wish kar doon, main ek yellow rose liya aur ek choti si doll gift pack karwai, uske ghar gaya aur uski cousin Aditi se kaha mujhe Aahna se milna hai, Aditi ne kaha wo apne birthday ke din kisi se bhi nahi milti, maine poocha kyun, Aditi ka jawab tha- “Mujhe nahi pata, tum khud pooch lo” aur wo chali gayi.

Phir main khud hi ussey milne ki soch kar uske kamrey ki or chal para, door par knock kiya, lekin koi jawab nahi aaya, phir maine dheere se darwaza khol kar andar jaankha wo yun hi chup chaap khoyi khoyi si baithi hui thi, maine usey “Happy Birthday” kaha aur uski aur flowers aur gift bharaye….wo bilkul shocked thi, aur achanak se rone lagi, maine ghabra gaya, issey pehle main kuch kehta usne ghussey mein kaha, “ How DARE you to come in to my room, get lost and get out, never ever try to talk to me or wish me on my b’day.”

Main behad bhaari mann se wapas aa gaya, lekin usi din maine mann hi mann ye faisla le liya ki mujhe ab apne gharwalon ke jariye uske paas rishta bhejna chahiye. Kuch din baad hi maine apni mom se kaha mujhe ab shaadi karni hai, ladki maine dekh li hai aap baat karein, jab mom ne Aahna ka naam suna tau wo behad khush huin, lekin Aahna ne mana kar diya….kyun ye wazah nahi pata chal paayi, phir wo apne bhaiya bhabhi ke saath lucknow hamesha ke liye chor kar Ahmedabad chali gayi.

Main ussey durr nahi rah sakta tha aur mujhe apne business ko ab aur aage le jaana tha…apne gharwalon se baat kar ke main bhi Ahmedabad shift ho gaya, aur uske flat theek upar maine apna flat leliya, taaki ussey har pal dekh sakoon, kabhi tau us par koi asar hoga.

Ek ajnabi jagah hone ki wazah se ab main uske ghar kaafi aane jaane laga… Bahut jaroori hota aur koi raasta na hota tau hi wo mujhse kuch kehti thi, main isi baat se khush tha ki wo mujhse baat tau kar leti hai ab….yakeen maaney aap mere liye buss itna kaafi tha ki wo meri aankhon ke saamne tau hai aur thoda bahut bol tau leti hai….ek din usne kaha “Tum apni zidd chor do aur apne parents ko mana kar do mere liye, main kisi aur ko pasand karti hoon aur tumhare wazah se mere parents mujhe bahut paresaan kar rahe hain”

Us din main jis taqleef mein aaya usey shabdon mein bhi nahi dhaal sakta….lekin meri chahat uske liye kum nahi hui, barhti chali gayi…. Maine ussey kaha, “Tum jis tarah kisi se pyaar karti ho main tumse karta hoon, meri kismat mein agar tum nahi tau na sahi, mujhe tum rok nahi sakti, na meri mohabbat ko jo tumhare liye hai..tum apni raah chalo main apni chalta hoon”

Uske baad maine ussey koi baat karne ki koshish nahi ki, lekin jab bhi usey dekhta … main bahut soch mein par jaata tha, agar koi insaan kisi ki mohabbat mein hai tau wo aur bhi khoobsoorat ho jaata hai, lekin Aahna ki aankhein mujhe kabhi khush nahi dikhin, balki wo pehle se bhi zayada tooti aur udaas dikhne lagi theeen.

Uskey saath kya ho raha tha mujhe kuch pata nahi chal paa raha tha, lekin har pal ek hi ehsaas ho raha tha jaisi ki wo khush nahi hai. Aur ek din maine ussey pooch hi liya, aakhir kya baat hai, tum khush nahi dikhti ho, usney kaha,

“ Koi jaroori nahi Aagney, tum jisey chaho wo tumhe mil jaaye, ye bhi jaroori nahi ki tum jisey chaho wo bhi tumhe utna hi chahe jitna tum usey chahte ho, mayne sirf ek baat rakhti hai – tum kitne sache ho apni chahat mein, maine sirf ek insaan ko chaha hai aur saaari zindagi chahti rahoongi, ho sake tau mujhe maaf kar dena, ek husband ke roop mein tummey koi buraai nahi hai, koi bhi ladki tumse shaadi karna chahegi, paisa, sohrat sab hai tumhare paas, tumhe tau koi bhi acchi ladki mil sakti hai, mujhe bhool jaao, main kabhi apni soch nahi badal paaongi…aur na tum kabhi khush rah sakoge aur na main… aaj tak apni kismat se larr rahi hoon aur larti rahoongi, is umeed ke bina ki jo main chahti hoon wo mujhe milega ya nahi ….lekin main haar nahi manooongi…. iske alawa tum jo kahoge wo main maan jaaongi..”

Main kuch kah pane ki istithi mein nahi tha, phir bhi maine ussey kaha “Agar kuch kar sakti ho tau buss ek kaam karo apni khoobsoorat aankhon mein se jo ye jo udaasi hai wo khatam kar do, shayad tab mujhe kuch sukoon mil jaaye… mujhe tumhari aakhein behad pasand hain aur bachpan se aj tak main sirf tumhari aankhon ki udaasi mein itna ulajh chukka hoon ki mera bahar aana musqil ho raha hai….ho sake tau mujhe iski wazah bata do….”

Usne kaha, “Tumne jo maanga hai wo main poori karne ki poori koshish karongi lekin koi vaada nahi kar sakti. Tumhe shayad yaad na ho, jab tumne meri wo guriya tori thi, tumne mujhe aur bhi akela kar diya tha, wo meri maa ki aakhiri nishaani ki, main hamesha unsey us guriya ke jariye baat kiya karti thi….mujhe sab pata tha….ki meri mumma ab is duniya mein nahi hain aur nayi wali mumma meri mumma nahi dad ki “new wife” hain…..tumne mujhe nayi guriya tau laa kar de di…..lekin uske baad main apni maa se kabhi baat nahi kar paayi, mujhe tumse bahut nafrat hai, ek baar tau upar wale ne meri maa mujhse le li aur dusri baar tumne, aur tum kehte ho tumhe mujhse ishq hai …ye udaasi meri mumma ki maut ke baad se ab tak nahi jaa paayi hai, aur shaayad na jaa paaye…..aaj tumhe tumhare har sawalon ka jawab mil gaya Aagney, issey zaayda kuch nahi kar sakti main…”

Main issey pehle kuch kehta ya sambhalta …..wo jaa chuki thii, tab se aaj tak meri aur uski koi baat nahi hai, aaj 3 saal beet gaye, na main ussey bhool paaya na kisi aur ko soch paaya aur na wo us shaks aur apni maa ko bhool paayi aur na aage barh paayi….usne mujhse jaate jaate kaha tha “Main apni kismat badloongi Aagney aur ab haar nahi manoongi aur ab mujhse meri khusiyan koi nahi cheen paayega….. “

Aaj bhi wo apni kismat se larr rahi, mera dil uske liye har pal dua karta hai, wo jo chahe wo usey mil jaaye… aur jab bhi main ussey dekhta hoon tau mujhe himmat milti hai….ek na ek din main apni mohabbat ko apna bana kar rahonga….aur is baat ki sirf mujhe umeed nahi balki poora yakeen hai…. buss farq ye hai kal tak wo mere saath kisi rishte mein nahi thi aur aaj wo meri biwi hai….kal hi hamari shaadi hui….aaj wo mere saamne hai….ab mujhe is baat ka darr nahi ki ussey mujhse koi cheen sakega…. maine jab se usey chaaha tha sirf isi yakeen par… ek na ek din wo meri hogi…..sirf meri…aaj maine apni yakeen ki pehli shiri paar kar li aur aage bhi kar loonga….shayad kuch aur waqt lage usey zindagi ki taraf wapas laane mein …. ab bhi mujhe yakeen hai wo mujhe maaf kar degi, usey main uski maa aur uske adhoore pyaar dono ki kami mahsoos nahi hone doonga aur ek din aayega wo apne bhootkal se nikal kar apne aaj ko jeena chahegi…